Small Details That Change Everything At Work
Written by Alex Neilson (Out Of Office Community) & Brooke Baxter (collabbWAY)
There's a version of career advice that tells you to work harder, stay later, and say yes to everything.
Then there's the version that actually works.
The employees that climb the ladder the fastest aren't always the workers doing the most. They're often the ones who've mastered the little things. Small, intentional habits that most people overlook.
Recently, I caught up with Leadership Coach and Consultant Brooke Baxter from collabbWAY, and we spent a lot of time talking about the importance of ‘relational micro-skills’ at work. These are essential skills like how you set up a working relationship from day one. How you handle a conversation when it starts to go sideways. Whether you show up to your one-to-one meeting with an agenda (or simply show up).
The details might seem small, but trust me- they’re not (and the benefits compound over time).
From our chat, here are a few recommendations from what we’ve learned in our careers (whether it’s from coaching teams or being in the trenches as an employee) and how to set yourself up for success.
1. Establish Ways of Working From The Start
One of the most underrated things you can do at the start of any working relationship- be it with a new manager, colleague or direct report- is to have a clear, detailed conversation about how you work.
This isn’t about your job description. Nor is it your regular 1:1 meeting (more on that later)- it’s how you actually function on a day-to-day basis.
Let me share an example. In a previous role, I was essentially the marketing arm of the sales team. On any given day, I would juggle a whole range of tasks- from back-to-back meetings, to chats with direct reports, supplier challenges, graphic design requests, campaign planning, etc etc. I also was the first marketing port of call for any of our 10 national account managers and 30+ members of our field sales team. Needless to say- it was a busy role.
One of the account managers had a tendency to send me a ‘hey’ message on Slack (or whatever pre-COVID messaging tool the business was using). No context, no message, they’d just wait until I responded.
For me- it felt like a bit of a trap. Did they have a quick question, or was I about to get side-tracked in the 10 minutes I had before my next meeting?
Often, if I hadn’t responded within the hour, they’d walk over to my desk (see previous point around pre-COVID timings) where they’d ask ‘hey- did you see my message?’
I’m not going to lie- it was incredibly annoying.
After a few times of it happening, I (politely) asked the account manager if he could stop the ‘hey’ ghosting and just tell me what he wanted. Just be direct and tell me what you’re after- it’s quicker for both of us, I told him. I remember feeling a little nervous about coming off too direct, but to my pleasant surprise, he also preferred being direct (he just hadn’t wanted to offend me).
It might sound simple, but having a clear, honest conversation with your colleagues and manager about how you like to work can be one of the best things that you can do in your role.
So what should you do? It’s pretty simple:
Draft a simple ways of working document around your working preferences- here’s a guide to get you started
Put in time with your manager/colleague to discuss each other's preferences
The document might cover things like:
Communication preferences (email vs. Slack vs. quick conversation)
Working style (e.g., your DISC personality)
Learning and teaching styles (for the employee and the manager)
How feedback is given and received
Pacing of work and conversations
Your working hours and boundaries
Approvals and decision-making
The takeaway: Don't wait until you're frustrated to figure out how you and your colleague work best together. Have the conversation before you need to.
Bonus tip: Post the initial meeting- schedule time in the diary for 3 months down the track to review what’s working and what’s not. Recommend putting the time in the diary now, rather than waiting for 3 months’ time (trust me- it’s so much easier to have a dedicated time set aside, vs. having to bring it up later down the track).
2. The Pause That Saves the Conversation (And Sometimes the Relationship)
We've all been there. You're in a meeting. Someone says something that hits a nerve. Your heart rate climbs, your jaw tightens, and suddenly you're either shutting down completely or saying something you'll need to apologise for later.
What's actually happening in that moment has a name: amygdala hijack. Coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman in the 90s, it explains how the brain's fight or flight mode can override rational thinking in moments of stress. When your body goes into fight or flight mode, your ability to respond rationally goes out the window.
When emotion takes over- despite what your instincts might be telling you- the best thing you can do is pause.
From the manager's side, you might push harder, talk faster, or try to regain control of the moment. From the employee side, you might shut down, get defensive, or disengage completely. No one is at their best in those tense moments but there are some simple things you can do.
Brooke shared some important tips from her early career as a social worker. You don’t meet emotion with more pressure. You meet it with a pause (and pacing).
“The moment I feel myself reacting is usually the moment I need to slow down and not speed up. A pause might feel small, but it’s often the difference between a conversation that escalates and one that actually goes somewhere.”
That pause matters more than people realise. It creates just enough space for your thinking to come back online. It lowers the emotional intensity in the room, and it gives both people a chance to reset.
It’s not avoidance. It’s a regulation, and in feedback conversations, that’s a micro-skill that changes everything.
A deliberate pause - even just a few seconds of silence before you respond - creates the gap between stimulus and reaction. That gap gives you more control on what happens next.
In practice, this might look like:
Taking a deep breath before replying
Saying "Let me think about that for a moment" rather than firing back immediately, or “I can feel I’m not responding as my best self right now, can we come back to this in 10 minutes so we can both regroup?”
Asking a clarifying question instead of defending yourself: "Can you help me understand what you mean by that?"
If you need more time, naming it: "This is important, and I want to give it the response it deserves - can we schedule time to continue this conversation?"
From a coaching perspective, the leaders who earn the most trust are rarely the ones with all the answers in the room. They're the ones who don't react- they stay calm and regulated when things get tense.
That composure is a skill, but it can be practised.
The takeaway: In tough conversations, the pause is one of the most powerful tools you have.
3. Own Your 1:1 Meetings With Your Manager
Here's something that took me far too long to realise: your 1:1 meeting with your manager is one of the most important meetings that you’ll have each week. These meetings directly shape your personal brand and likely, your future trajectory at the company.
But so many employees (including my former self) waste the opportunity.
They show up without an agenda. They wait for their manager to drive. They treat it as an obligation rather than an opportunity.
Workers that use this time well do something different. They own the meeting.
Brooke teaches this to managers in her leadership training and she strongly encourages in 1:1s an 80:20 split. The team member should be doing about 80% of the talking, with the manager holding the remaining 20%. Not because managers don’t have anything to add, but because the 1:1 is for the employee to download their thinking. This can ebb and flow depending on the needs of the employee but it is a good standard to follow to balance the 1:1 responsibility.
If managers do most of the talking, they are likely solving, directing, or filling the silence too quickly and the meeting becomes about the manager. When you step back, ask better questions, and give people time to think, you shift the ownership back to them.
That’s where growth happens, and that’s what makes a 1:1 actually useful.
In a recent Substack article by Kate Citron, she shared a quote by Caroline Albro from Brand Baby:
“Host meetings like you’re hosting a party. [...] If you can conduct your one-on-one like hosting a party with a warm attitude and a clear agenda, you’ll come across as a strong, confident leader in any room”.
So how should you do this? A few tips:
Before the meeting:
Prepare a simple, structured agenda (here’s an example of the one I used to use with my former managers). This might include:
Key decisions you need: input or decisions you’re waiting on, reminders on key deadlines
Discussions you want to have: strategic thinking, challenges you want to think through together
Key updates: progress, wins, what’s been on your plate lately
Having a clear structure keeps you on track, organised and helps shape you as the strong, confident employee (and party host) that you are.
Once you’ve got your agenda ready, try to get into the habit of pre-sending this to your manager the day before your meeting, so they’ve got time to digest and come prepared to the meeting.
During the meeting:
Spoiler alert- these meetings shouldn’t just be you rattling off a list of updates (commiserations to many of my former managers for having to sit through this in the past).
Ideally you should have no more than 1-2 key decisions and 3-4 discussion points (pending on how frequently you have these meetings- ideally weekly). Updates are something that your manager can read ahead of time, and clarify on any questions if needed.
Brooke coaches managers to use reflection in their employee 1:1s to help develop how people think, not just report on updates and tasks.
Instead of jumping straight into updates or solutions, Brooke suggests slowing the conversation down and asking questions that get employees to unpack what’s really going on:
What worked
What didn’t
What they’d do differently next time
It’s less about me giving answers and more about helping employees build their own awareness and judgement. That’s where development actually happens, not in being told what to do, but in learning how to think it through themselves.
After the meeting:
I would normally capture key notes and actions during the meeting, but then spend 5-10 mins after the meeting to properly write out key actions and next steps for myself. I’d then include key updates under my ‘key updates/FYI only’ section for each week moving forward, so my manager knew exactly where I was at with various projects, and could go back to it at any point.
The takeaway: Treat your 1:1 meeting like you’re the host of a party. Prepare for it, lead it, and show up with a positive attitude.
What These Things Have in Common
Look, none of these skills are rocket science, but that’s exactly why they matter.
They’re small, repeatable moments that speak loudly - how you listen, how you respond, whether you pause or push through. What you see is that over time, those moments shape the relationship.
Because strong working relationships aren’t built in big gestures. They are built in how you show up, consistently, with others in the workplace.
Your personal brand isn’t just what you post on LinkedIn. It’s what people experience when they sit across from you in a conversation.
That’s the work, and the smallest details can have the biggest impact because they’re the ones people remember. When you get those right, you don’t just improve performance, you build relationships that can actually hold the hard stuff.
Meet the people behind this conversation:
Alex works with corporate professionals who are feeling disengaged with their work. She talks about how to manage upwards, navigating change and finding work/life balance. If you’re interested in working with Alex, learn more about her Office Hours here, or reach out directly at hello@outofofficecommunity.com
Brooke works with managers and workplaces to build behaviour-driven leadership through relational micro-skills. They are practical, in the moment capabilities that help you lead well when things are unclear, under pressure, or starting to go off track. Her work is grounded in the belief that leadership isn't your fancy title, it's what you do in the real moments that matter. If you want to work with Brooke, you can reach her at hello@collabbway.com.au